Mission accomplished

I flew down to my husband on Friday to spend the weekend with him. I was so thrilled to see him that I almost forgot to do what I went there to do – snoop. Now, don’t judge me. A long distance marriage is tough. And it makes matters worse if you know that something is cooking but you can’t do anything about it. You have to trust that your husband will just come out and tell you.

But of course, that doesn’t happen…

I already knew that Candice has asked him for coffee. So I casually asked him on Friday how his week was, has he seen any of his old friends, has any of his friends asked him for coffee or something

I then looked me right in the eye and lied. “No”, he assured me.”No one has asked me out for coffee or anything. In fact, I am very lonely here. Wish you will move down sooner.”

Lies.

Sigh…I gave him the platform to tell me. And he stuck to his guns – no “friend” has invited him to anything. So I did what I had to do – I snooped. I’m not proud of this. But what I found made me sick to my stomach – I found nothing! As in NO history of any chat with Candice! So where is it? Does he have a secret forum where he chats with her? It’s not in Whatsapp, Gmail, Inbox, Facebook Messenger…where is it?! I know that she has asked him over a message! So this means only one thing:

He is hiding it. He doesn’t delete any of his conversations or even archives them. Why would he delete or hide this chat unless there is something to hide???

Game face on. Bob is done showering and comes back into the room. I pretend that everything is okay but my heart is screaming out: JUST TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

On Saturday we went to the beach and had a really lovely day. Every now and then I would try to drop some hints hoping that he will open up to me.

“This is ridiculous!”, I think to myself. “Why won’t he just tell me if another girl asks him out for coffee? Then we can laugh about it and move on. Why hide this from me?”

On Sunday I couldn’t take it anymore. I asked him again if there has been anyone that asked him on a coffee or supper date. He denied it again.

I then told him:”I know something. But I want you to tell me out of your own because it is the right thing to do. Not because I am prodding you.”

He then said:”Okay, I told Candice we, as in all of us, should hang out sometime. She then asked what about this weekend and I told her that it won’t be possible because you will be coming home and I would like to spend some time with you.”

Another lie, but we are heading towards the truth.

I then said:”Bob, quit lying to me. I told you, I know…”

Bob:”How do you know?”

Turning the tables. Still not owning up.

I guess it’s my turn to lie…

“Your friend Candice send me a message and asked me what is wrong with you. She said that she invited you over for coffee but you said that you had to drop your car off at the airport. She said that she was worried about you.”

“O.”

Silence. He fumbles with his fingers…

Oh no, I knew it…

Expectation…

via Daily Prompt: Expectation

The expectation of…

Sigh, I would love to write about the expectation of love and to be loved.
Of being seen.
Of being heard.

The truth is that some expectations bring more harm than good.
You can’t expect anyone to protect your heart.
Or even to make you happy.

In conclusion, an expectation can never carry someone’s name.

My husband can’t be himself with me…

Which started as a fairly innocent question on Monday quickly escalated into a heated discussion. Okay, who am I kidding it wasn’t really an innocent question.

As of late, it has been bothering me that my husband spends quite a significant amount of time on his phone. Chatting to friends, colleagues and some women from his past. These women are the women he has dated, slept with, kissed etc. What made me worried is the fact that he doesn’t seem to think as a married man that there is anything wrong with chatting to other women. When I’ve asked him about this before, he got really upset with me and he said that he hates my accusing him of things. The truth is though, I didn’t accuse him of anything. I merely asked him who Zoe was…

So, I’ve been feeling that something is off. I can’t place my finger on it. And I can’t ask my husband about it. But something in his demeanor has changed. So I became my own private detective and I snooped around on his Facebook messenger. (For any guy/ girl who is secretly cheating on your spouse: it is not the safest place to chat away on Facebook. Just saying). On there I have found many many chats with other women. Many that start on Facebook but then he requests that they either whatsapp or email instead. Amongst these many women there was a Kirsten (his first “wife” as he calls her on Facebook),a Zoe (whom he has named his car after),a Michaela (the girl he has slept with and promised to see again) and a Candice (the girl, according to his messages, he has hurt and the one he regrets that got away).

To get back to my “innocent” question to my husband (let’s call him Bob), I asked him what is the history between him and Candice. He then just said that they were really good friends back in the day. According to his messages to her though, it seemed like a little bit more than just friends. Unless of course you tell all your friends that you would love to travel with them and share a bed with them.

Anyway, like a dog with a stick, I did not want to let this go. So I probed and said that I want him to be honest with me. I just want to know the sort of friendship that they have. He then got upset and said once again that I am accusing him. That I am judgmental. And he finished off by saying that he can’t be himself with me and “can’t shine”. Whatever the heck that means.

(I should probably just mention that he STILL sees Candice…)

I then asked him why he feels this way and has he always felt this way. He then just said we will talk about it.

It has been two days.

We haven’t talked about it.

In his messages to Candice he tells her that he misses her (he says this to all his special lady friends) and that he feels so good to be around her because she gets him. He can be himself around her.

So why did he marry me???

After my little emotional meltdown (which he knows nothing about) I thought well maybe instead of fighting this, I should just go with this. I should probably be happy for him that he gets to connect with someone. So I steered into the skid and I messaged Candice. And I told her that he has been missing her a lot and he is lonely (he told me that he is lonely). I asked her to please invite him for coffee or something. She grabbed my bait and said that she would definitely contact him for coffee or supper.

Sigh…there is nothing in the Bible on this. As a Christian wife they just tell you to cook, clean, support and respect. There is nothing on what to do if your husband wants to chat to other ladies.

I’ve just followed up on my message to Candice. She said that she invited him over for coffee on Friday (Bob didn’t tell my anything about that , no surprise there) and that he said he can’t because I’m coming on Friday. (I should explain: currently we are not working in the same place. I will be moving to him in 2 and a half months. But I will be flying in on this Friday for a brief visit and then leaving on Sunday).

What would a normal response be to this? At this moment in my marriage, I don’t even know what normal looks like anymore… So I just went with: Thank you for doing that. How does Sunday look? I will be leaving on Sunday.

Here is my thinking: Bob will obviously never tell me what is going on. But perhaps if I befriend someone on the inside then at least I can get closure in way or the other.

I will keep you updated with this crazy journey of mine.

From the almost bunny boiler wife…

Testing, testing is there life out there?

I haven’t written in a while. Back then I was dating a bloke who now became my husband for one year.

I would just use this platform to point out – IT IS REALLY DIFFICULT BEING MARRIED. There I have said it!

I look at the people around me, more specifically the women around me, and they all look so…stress-free. They are always laughing through Revlon Ox Blood lips and waving their expensively manicured hands around in the air.

And here I am looking like I have just survived the Civil War. In fact I feel like I am going into war every single day of my life:

The battle of the muddy soccer shoes in the clean bathtub
The battle of the Mother-In-Law’s Eating Habits
The battle of the sexless inkeeper

And there are many more. The truth is that I really do love my husband. I just miss having my own space you know?

Okay, this was just my tester to see if there is life beyond the page.

The real rantings of an Honest Christian Wife will start tomorrow…